I love the rain, and I'm pretty sure a lot of people do too.
This is very strange and amusing, I haven't felt this at peace in a long time. Yesterday, I woke up feeling as if a huge weight has fallen off of my shoulders. How I can back this up, I don't know, but I'm glad it's gone. Whether it will return, I know not, nor do I know what the weight was in itself.
Since the burden has gone, I've felt... Genuinely happy. I can't explain this as I confirmed just before, I'm sitting here pondering on just what that burden was. What was I sad about? I can feel it in the back of my mind, but it feels deep... the only way I can really explain it. Am I moving on, from something, or is this all just my body and mind playing tricks on me?
Looking over my new room, I can't help but think of how a new chapter in my life has begun and how I can keep it up now. I've always been so afraid of commitments and I feel ashamed of that fact, but listening to the rain and seeing it wash away the top layer of mud to reveal new is somewhat intoxicating in itself. The sheer coolness of the air, the breath of fresh air being bestowed upon the grass leaving a fresh scent.
Why am I just now seeing this, after nineteen almost twenty years of life. Why have I not been this truly happy in so many years, or was I ever this happy and why is it happening now? Did I change overnight somehow? I don't feel or look any different, other than I actually put on makeup yesterday which I forgot to wash off before I went to bed. It has been months since I wore makeup, it feels so... Nice, I feel pretty for once.
I miss the get-togethers with my friends, it's been so lonely without them. Sure I've seen Andy alot, but I miss them all dearly. Every single one of them, and I hope sooner or later we'll get to see each other like we used to. Life loses it's thrills without friends to share it with, why didn't I see this before. I want to get my driver's license, I want to get a steady job and apply myself into becoming a more independent person but how long this will take. I haven't a clue.
Pondering is always nice, but what am I exactly trying to let escape my mind? That I have no clue about, but I'm glad that I got it down somewhere to how I feel.